I have a new author crush :)

I published my very first book in 2012 and I cannot believe that it’s been four years since my journey began. In that time, I wish I could say that I’ve made great strides toward bestseller status, but truth be told, it feels like I’m still only a few steps away from the starting line.

Ugh! What the poop have you been doing all these years, you might ask?

Well, I haven’t been completely holed up in a proverbial cave — only somewhat 🙂 Let me explain.

  • I have an incredibly stressful day job. I used to enjoy this job a very long time ago. Today, having this job is a necessity to support my household. I’m not going to belabor my agonies about my day job because that’s not the point. The thing is that at the end of the day, I’m wiped.
  • While I read books and buy self-publishing and marketing courses, I can’t seem to implement the lessons successfully. (I actually consider myself a pretty smart person, but this… this makes me feel like a complete idiot!)
  • Admittedly and with some embarrassment, I confess I have “shiny ball syndrome.” You know when the latest and greatest becomes your new toy and you forget about the old one? That’s me. I’m like this fat little bee going from flower to flower to collect what I need. But unlike the bumblebee who will actually do something useful with the pollen she collects, I just keep fluttering about until I’m so exhausted I just drop out of the sky, land in mud, and die.
  • In all my past endeavors, whether that be school or the jobs I’ve had, I’ve always achieved success. I was the good student, the good worker. I knew exactly, what I had to do. There was a path and I just had to follow it. I got A’s and I got the promotions and pay increases. School and work came very easily for me. I was successful with very little effort. This same level of achievement has not been happening for me in self-publishing. It’s been incredibly frustrating and makes me want to quit all the time.
  • I am afraid. Since self-publishing, I’ve realized that I’m fearful of everything — success, failure, criticism… When you fear everything, it becomes easier to be unknown. Being unknown is “safe.”
  • I could go on and on, but what it all comes down to is that I HAVE BEEN MY OWN WORST ENEMY! I’ve “failed” because of me. Have I been duped? Sure. I’ve spent good money on stupid products. I was upset about it then, but when I look back… I’m grateful for the consequence. Why? Because, I wouldn’t have fallen prey, if I hadn’t been looking for an easy way. I was an easy target. (So, buyer beware out there.)

Being an Indie and a self-published author is NOT EASY. It takes work, dedication, and patience. Since dipping my toes in self-publishing, I have taken the greatest journey of my life. While I feel like Sisyphus and his giant boulder right now, I have a feeling things are about to change.

If you are thinking about going into self-publishing, be prepared to work. There will be many days you will want to cry, pull your hair out, or make the next pint of ice-cream your new best friend. Be prepared that your passion for words will keep you up at night. Be prepared that self-publishing is a journey and there are no short-cuts. Finally, be prepared, that each time you write a book, you change for the better as a person.

Hang with me, I’m almost done… hahaha!

Why the post title? Because I have been re-evaluating why I’m doing this.

In my four years of chasing the shiny-ball and getting in my own way, I have forgotten and have completely gotten away from why I went into self-publishing in the first place.

In the last few years, the only time when self-publishing has been fun is when I’m actually writing or when I’m getting ideas and I start thinking about how far I could take a story or a concept. But because of my other responsibilities, there has been little time for the craft itself and I’ve been sad about that…

Then today, I came across an old podcast between Tom Corson-Knowles and Hugh Howey and I literally had to stop what I was doing and just listen. The interview was awesome and it reminded me of why I went into self-publishing! I love writing. Bottom line, our success as writers and authors lies within the pages we craft.

Maybe I haven’t been a complete failure. I have been writing in these four years and the fact that my books are not known now, doesn’t mean they’ll stay that way forever.

HUGH HOWEY, you are officially my new author crush. You have brought things in perspective for me when I needed it most. 

 

Publishing-Profits-Podcast-Cover-Image1If you want to listen to the interview with Hugh Howey, click here. I recommend you listen 🙂 it’s so good and it may give you a new perspective like it did with me.

I’ve only been able to listen to a few of the Publishing Profits podcasts, and Hugh Howey’s was one of the firsts, but for the ones I’ve heard, they’ve all been great and I’ve learned something valuable from each of them.

FYI–I’m not an affiliate of Publishing Profits. I just like sharing great content when I find it.

 

Starting over

12_Angels_Publishing_1These last few months, I’ve been doing a lot, a lot of thinking. You see I got into self-publishing about three years ago in the fall of 2012. This November will mark my third year.

I wish I could say that I’ve experienced great success and I am but a breath away from reaching my goals of doing this full time. But sadly, the reality is, I’m no where close to that dream.

Yes, I am further than where I started, but my path has taken twists and turns that have  often left me confused and discouraged. At times, I’ve even felt taken advantage of. While there are many great people out there, unfortunately there are also a lot of bad ones and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in these three years is that I cannot be so trusting. Not everyone means what they say. Essentially, the saying “buyer beware!” is the golden rule to follow on the internet.

I am not posting this to feel sorry for myself. But rather, because I need to be honest with myself.

In the past three years, can I really say that I’ve put forth true, committed effort? No, I can’t.

Admitting that kills me, but I need that cold douse of water thrown at my face to wake me up. I need that honestly to scream at me, get in my face, and slap me upside the head. It pains me to admit that I’m failing in this endeavor because of… me.

I’ve even told myself that maybe writing isn’t for me. That I got into writing because my friend did. That I was nothing, but a hack and a phony. That I had no talent, no skill, nothing worthy enough to read.

So why, in my darkest moment, do I go back to writing? Why, when I’m thinking about the future, writing is a part of it? Why do I cringe when I think about putting down my pen permanently? I love to write. I’ve finally found a love that multiples my soul in so many ways and it doesn’t ask for anything back, but for me to keep at it.

In all this time, I have not been able to get away from myself or to get away from the fears that have always held me back. Why? I’m sitting here shaking my head because I don’t have a good reason. Even in the face of disaster, when this book business could have been my safety net, and my salvation, I didn’t do what had to be done. Why? Cause I’m an idiot, that’s why!

In the meantime, I see so many people that I started with rise to greatness. I feel lost and pushed behind their wake of success. You know like that salmon swimming upstream, only to die at the end or be eaten by a bear? That’s what it’s been feeling like.

Well, I’ve had enough. I’m done being afraid. Life is passing too quickly.

I may be more of a tortoise than a hare when it comes to finding my book success, but I will find it. The time has come for me to start anew. I’m not a sparkly new penny anymore. I’ve been tossed around, scratched, and have landed in dirt more times than I care to admit, but I’m still here.

This journey is not over and there’s more in store for me.

I believe there’s more in store for all of us, and we will each find our success, and see our dreams materialize in the best ways.

Abundance and joy to you.

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