Starting over

12_Angels_Publishing_1These last few months, I’ve been doing a lot, a lot of thinking. You see I got into self-publishing about three years ago in the fall of 2012. This November will mark my third year.

I wish I could say that I’ve experienced great success and I am but a breath away from reaching my goals of doing this full time. But sadly, the reality is, I’m no where close to that dream.

Yes, I am further than where I started, but my path has taken twists and turns that have  often left me confused and discouraged. At times, I’ve even felt taken advantage of. While there are many great people out there, unfortunately there are also a lot of bad ones and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in these three years is that I cannot be so trusting. Not everyone means what they say. Essentially, the saying “buyer beware!” is the golden rule to follow on the internet.

I am not posting this to feel sorry for myself. But rather, because I need to be honest with myself.

In the past three years, can I really say that I’ve put forth true, committed effort? No, I can’t.

Admitting that kills me, but I need that cold douse of water thrown at my face to wake me up. I need that honestly to scream at me, get in my face, and slap me upside the head. It pains me to admit that I’m failing in this endeavor because of… me.

I’ve even told myself that maybe writing isn’t for me. That I got into writing because my friend did. That I was nothing, but a hack and a phony. That I had no talent, no skill, nothing worthy enough to read.

So why, in my darkest moment, do I go back to writing? Why, when I’m thinking about the future, writing is a part of it? Why do I cringe when I think about putting down my pen permanently? I love to write. I’ve finally found a love that multiples my soul in so many ways and it doesn’t ask for anything back, but for me to keep at it.

In all this time, I have not been able to get away from myself or to get away from the fears that have always held me back. Why? I’m sitting here shaking my head because I don’t have a good reason. Even in the face of disaster, when this book business could have been my safety net, and my salvation, I didn’t do what had to be done. Why? Cause I’m an idiot, that’s why!

In the meantime, I see so many people that I started with rise to greatness. I feel lost and pushed behind their wake of success. You know like that salmon swimming upstream, only to die at the end or be eaten by a bear? That’s what it’s been feeling like.

Well, I’ve had enough. I’m done being afraid. Life is passing too quickly.

I may be more of a tortoise than a hare when it comes to finding my book success, but I will find it. The time has come for me to start anew. I’m not a sparkly new penny anymore. I’ve been tossed around, scratched, and have landed in dirt more times than I care to admit, but I’m still here.

This journey is not over and there’s more in store for me.

I believe there’s more in store for all of us, and we will each find our success, and see our dreams materialize in the best ways.

Abundance and joy to you.

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BB & B got a facelift!

file6831251040142Okay, changing the site’s look wasn’t exactly something I’d planned on. In fact, it wasn’t even a thought. But, technology had other ideas. I got a prompt to install an update on my last theme. So, I did. Didn’t really think much about it, until my whole site crashed!

Anyways, thanks to HostGator, my host server, they got me back up. Problem was, the old theme was no good. It got corrupted. I was so bummed! I really liked the way my old theme looked, but I couldn’t use it again. I had to scour for another theme and came across this one. I like it, it’s different from my old one and it will take some getting used to.

I’m a creature of habit and new things take time to sink in. I just hope this theme package works. Sheez! Gotta love technology. I may still look for something else, but I want to test run this theme for a bit and see how it goes.

I hope you like it!

Lesson? Yes, rather than pulling out your hair when things go ka-bloo-ey, try to go with the flow. It’s either that or you’re thrown with the blast anyway. Moving with the flow results in less scrapes and pain and more bounce.

Well, that’s it for now. Fingers crossed, my  new theme holds up :)