Being an author/writer
I stepped out of the writing closet in 2012. I had this need to write after my father passed away. I guess for me it was part of my healing journey. My dad died in 2009 and three years after he left, I was still in a lot of hurt. I was functional. On the outside, I looked fine. I’m pretty good at hiding my feelings, but inside — I was a mess. It wasn’t until I started writing that I felt some of the pain lifting away from me.
Funny thing is my first book wasn’t even about loss and grieving. It was about spirituality and accepting a new path. Spirit 101 was birthed
out of loss. That little book will be six years old this November. It’s not perfect. I wrote it like I speak and so the grammar is not formal. The grammar police would probably hate it. LOL! But, I don’t have the need to fix it. It’s the way it is for a reason. It’s authentic. It was me at that time and what came to me as I wrote. Some may say this is an excuse, but it isn’t.
My little book, with all it’s imperfections have touched the readers that need it. I never meant for it to change the world. My intent was for people to find it when they need it most and it has served that purpose. For me, that’s a success!
Since releasing Spirit 101, I haven’t gone back to writing anything about spirituality or any other non-fiction work like I had intended. Instead I’ve been writing a fiction series under a ‘nom de plume,’ an alias and it has been so much fun!
Well… the writing has been great fun. I love it. Writing about paranormal characters and the challenges they have to get through is such an escape for me. I find as much satisfaction in writing that I do with reading. It’s a soul saver.
But, you know what’s not fun? Marketing.
I’m not a seller. I’m not good at touting my wares and having everyone ‘look at me.’ In fact, I don’t really like the spot light. I prefer working behind the scenes. Unfortunately, my natural personality is not the most ideal for marketing. I’m a bit of an introvert. The odd thing I’ve found is while I did not put any pressure on myself to sell Spirit 101, it has managed to produce sales — meager sales, but sales nonetheless.
My fiction series? I’m giving more away than I’m selling. Why is that?
I thought maybe it was because the story wasn’t good? The writing? But I have decent reviews.
Maybe it’s the covers? I changed them. Same thing… no sales.
Reviews? I don’t have a kajillion of them, but I have some.
Point is, selling is hard and after six years of being an author/writer, I still completely suck at it. I’ve taken classes, read books, applied what I learned, but so far I haven’t gained the results that the books and classes have promised. I’m still trying to figure it out and perhaps I’m the dunce of the group when it comes to this aspect of the whole authoring thing, but….
Yes, I’d like to make a little money with my books, but I’ve found that when all I think about is how to sell, how to market, how to promote — it’s as if an elephant starts to sit on me and then I become paralyzed and I end up feeling resentful, frustrated, stoooopid, etc. It’s not fun. And then I can’t write and then I get even more flustered. It’s really gets nasty and awful.
I’ve found that I have to keep coming back to why I started writing. For me it was because my spirit ached for it. I had words to get out and writing a book was the best format for me. Writing saved me. Total drama, right? But so true. I didn’t start writing so I can be rich and famous. I wrote because I NEEDED to. Over the years, my writing has interwoven with other dreams. I started to see the books as a way out of my stressful day job. The books and the writing became a means to escape and the elephant came back, sat on me again, and it had grown twice as big. Not only did the books need to make a little money, but now the books also had to get me out of a job. Aaargh.
It got to be too much and because I couldn’t (still can’t) figure out how to sell. When it comes to my fiction series, all I ever feel is that I’m a loser. (Big ‘L’ on my forehead). I feel like a fraud and that I have no business, no right, to even want to write. Not good. I even tried to convince myself I didn’t really like writing to soften the blow. I thought that would make it easier to quit. But I couldn’t stop thinking about my stories.
Anyways, my point here is that in stepping back and looking at why I write, it comes down to this.
- I love writing
- Writing helps me stay sane (seriously). It’s good for my emotional and mental health.
- I love when readers get something out of my work
I’m going back to the basics. Instead of focusing on selling and making a lot of moolah, I’m going to concentrate on improving my writing. More practice, better craft. It’s not that I’m giving up on selling. I’m still going to learn that part of it too. But there’s more than one way to skin a cat and I have to find the selling method that works for me. One that doesn’t trigger the elephant to come back and sit on me. LOL!
