I took on one more thing . ..
As you can see from my post dates, it’s been about a month since my last post. Not my plan at all, but I took on something else that I really don’t have the time for. Needless to say, I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to manage everything that is on my plate.
Taking on another “project” is not the best idea, but I couldn’t say no to this one. It called to me in a big way because it’s a piece of the dream. My dream of business ownership. PandaTudePress was born because of that constant call that I suppressed for so long. But before PandaTudePress, there was 12 Angels Publishing.
I’m a writer. As much as I would love to spend my days reading, I also love the creation of a story. Of putting facts, thoughts, and lessons to paper. My writing dream is also where the dream of business ownership rooted for me so many years ago. I write fiction under a pen name and I have one non-fiction under my real name.
But, my reality is that, when the flow isn’t flowing and my muse is not talking to me — writing can be a hard, frustrating, and agonizing process. I had a hard time getting into a consistent practice with my writing. I’m a pantser (writing style) by nature and have this “need” to wait until inspiration hits me. Well, there were days, weeks, and months, when inspiration was absent. There was no creation happening and I sunk into one of the worst writer’s block I’ve ever experienced.
You couple no-writing with already feeling like a failure as a writer… and I spiraled. Writing as a real business became an unrealistic goal. I gave up. But, that whisper of the dream persisted. It never went away. That’s why I love doing coloring books through PandaTudePress. It’s publishing. I’m creating something that is printed on paper. Not words, but illustrations. The heart is the same for both.
I’ve sold some books in the past. I’ve made enough to buy a meal here and there. But certainly, nothing that I could consider supplemental income. I gave up on the business part of writing, but I could never give up on writing itself. I’ve tried, believe me. Even with the writer’s block, I was writing. But I wasn’t writing well. Words were not coming out. It felt like a struggle to craft the words to tell the story.
Looking back, why did I fail with writing as a business? Short answer is marketing. I hate it. I don’t get it. I’m not good at it. And it makes my introverted nature cringe and pucker in sheer discomfort. How did I get out of writer’s block? I forced the issue. I realized that I have to make myself available for inspiration to come. I’m writing again. It’s still bumpy, but it’s better. I’ve learned that if I write everyday, even if it’s just a paragraph, it’s still writing.
So, what new project did I start?
I signed up for a class/group to learn how to self-publish and advertise my books. Why, you ask?
Because I’m ready now. I’m ready to take my “hobby” of writing books and turn it into a business. I was not in the right mind set back then (over a decade ago). But I’m making changes. Do I have time to go through these lessons along with also trying to learn how to build my shop on Etsy? No, I don’t, but I’m making time. I have to. Here and there, bits and pieces. I’m finding little pockets of space where I can go through the class, one lesson at a time. It’s taking me forever to finish and I feel like the dunce of the class, but I have to remind myself not to compare. This is my journey, no one else’s.
There are so many lessons this pursuit is making me realize — I have to be patient. I cannot compare. I can’t be afraid to make mistakes and fail. I have to be intentional with my time. And, I have to force myself not to retreat to my comfort zones. If this journey doesn’t take me to the place I want to go (the dream), I’m pretty sure I can look back and say the journey itself changed me and made me grow as a person. That I’m a better person for having tried. Since starting PandaTudePress, I’ve felt more grounded because I have something I’m working for.
I can imagine that if this works out, I would have a built a business model that is perfect for me and my life. That this business has become a wonderful tool to supplement my family’s income. That this small business of mine is going to be doing marvelous things to help alleviate financial worries from my family and allowing us to do things to take care of ourselves, like vacations. I’m not looking to be a kajillionaire, cause I already know I don’t want an empire-sized business. I’m shooting for small, but thriving. For me, this means, I’m making profit every month. My dreams are simple, but in a world full of stress and uncertainties, having added financial support in the way of supplemental income (to me) is priceless. That’s the dream.
And where am I right now?
Right now is like those stairs in the feature images. I’m at the beginning of a climb that is framed in this promise of lush beauty. The end is unseen. It’s too far and too high up. It’s still covered in the haze of the dream itself. But each step is a step closer. There may be times, when I stumble back. But there is a landing that catches me. It’s a place where I can rest and allow myself to catch my breath. It’s a place where I can look behind me and see that I may have lost a step or two, but I am still further forward that I was in the beginning.
Keep climbing. If you have a dream you are trying to make real, just take it one step at a time.
Feature image courtesy of Unsplash.com peter-herrmann-PSzyL6Ne74I-unsplash
